Weight Loss Journey

Hey Friends.

I am writing a post that I have not looked forward to writing. Something that puts me out there on an uncomfortable level, something that I would have liked to have ignored in the past (and did!) But now, it's time to come out of the closet. :)

Not THAT closet, but, the one where I admit that that I LOVE to eat food. I love it. It is something that I look forward to, live for. I LOVE celebrations NOT because of the celebratory event, but because of the FOOD served. :) It's true. And, this habit has made me unhealthy and fat. And once you are heavy, overweight, thick, obese, morbidly obese, the task of losing the weight, of reversing the consequence of your addiction feels like an unattainable goal. It's the thing that you think about almost every other thought. It consumes your mind, thoughts and you assume EVERYONE else, also, is constantly thinking about how you have "put on the pounds" or "let yourself go" or "gained a little weight" OR.... you even wonder laying beside your husband "Does he think I would be prettier if I lost weight?" "Would he love me MORE if I lost weight?"

It's truly SLAVERY. You are a slave to the food you love, and then it enslaves you back by making you constantly think about it, and how awful you look because of it.

I am DONE with food being my master. Please don't skim over these next passages like they don't matter, but read them and consider what it is saying in regards to living for food. Ive underlined the parts that speak directly to me regarding how I view food, not God.

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, 

where ymoth and rust5 destroy and where thieves zbreak in and steal, 20 

but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither 

moth nor rust destroys and where thieves 

do not break in and steal. 21 For where 

your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

22 a“The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, 

your whole body will be full of light,

 23 abut if byour eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. 

If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!

24 c“No one can serve two masters, for either he will 

hate the one and love the other, 

or he will be devoted to the one and despise

 the other. You cannot serve God and dmoney.6 - Matthew 6:19-24

I know that this passage talks about money, but I also know I have lived my life not so 

much as concerned about money, but concerned about what I will eat. If I had to choose between being in the word or having lunch, I would choose lunch. If I had to choose between prayer and having a nighttime snack, I would choose the snack. See? 

For the elephant in the room: 

I am not saying that you do not need food, and just more prayer, that is silly. God created us to eat food to nourish and sustain our bodies. I am also not saying that it is SIN for you to eat, or to have snacks, or to enjoy a meal. I am saying that FOR ME, my particular "thorn" is that I LOVE food more than I love God. I LOVE food more than I love most things. SO, for ME, I must use self control, with the help of the Holy Spirit, to say "no" and be filled with HIM, instead of 38g of carbs in 1 sitting. 

So, the point of the post: 

How am I fighting this: 

#1. I am in the WORD OF GOD. 

I am asking daily for prayer for myself and another sister to engage in this fight with full force. Doing war with idols that satisfy my soul. When I am not reading and prayer, those "cravings" or "wants" devour my body and I am weak. Again, please consider this scripture found in Philippians 4. This is where I draw strength. Underlines are the parts especially important to me in my fight. 

4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. 5 

Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; 

6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything 

by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your 

requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, 

which surpasses all understanding, will guard your 

hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever 

is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, 

whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there 

is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.9 What you have

 learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these 

things, and the God of peace will be with you.

God's Provision
#2 I am giving thought to WHAT I put into my mouth and HOW MUCH I am putting in my mouth, and asking myself often "Am I still hungry or am I just enjoying the taste of the food?" 

10 I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that now at length 

you have revived your concern for me. You were indeed 

concerned for me, but you had no opportunity. 11 Not that I am speaking 

of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation

 I am to be content. 12 I know how to be brought low, and I 

know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, 

I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, 

abundance and need. 13 I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

The answers to these questions equip me with practical ways for me to know when to stop. If it's BENEFICIAL for my body: fruits, vegetables, complex carbs, protein, etc. than I know it's BENEFICIAL for me to eat. Of course, we know that God says that all things are PERMISSIBLE  Meaning, it is OK to eat a cookie, it's ok to have a slice of cake, and it's ok to have chips. But for me, IT IS NOT BENEFICIAL, and so I will FOR NOW, abstain. With that said, Dennis and I have changed a lifestyle habit that does INCLUDE 1, 1!!! cookie at night IMMEDIATELY after eating dinner. Our old lifestyle would be to eat dinner. and 2-3 hours later, I would eat an ENTIRE bowl of popcorn and he would pour a glass of milk, and eat 3 cookies or a cake, or something sweet before bed. We no longer do that, and we will no longer EVER do that on a regular or even semi-regular basis. It's not that it's sin, it's that it is NOT BENEFICIAL for our bodies. We allow ourselves 1 cookie, because that is well within moderation, and the BENEFIT for both of us is that we satisfy any sweet tooth we may have and we do not want anything extra for the rest of the night. That my friends, is a work of the Lord because that would have NEVER gone down here before, ever! 

After I evaluate the what, I then evaluate the HOW much. two trips are now 1. Large portions are now smaller. The corn AND potatoes co-existing on our plates now calls for just one of them. And it's not a large spoonful, it's half. Instead of putting 8 unnecessary ingredients into my food, I am minimizing to the least possible. Mashed potatoes no longer gets a block of cream cheese, a stick of butter, sour cream, salt, pepper, and whole milk. It gets: a half stick of butter, skim milk, salt and pepper. And guess what? I still like it! :) 

And finally, "Am I still hungry or eating because it's good?" Big question. And one in which I failed at last night. Dennis took me to this HOLE IN THE WALL, tiny place in the MIDDLE OF NOWHERE, somewhere between Ironto and Blacksburg, on a tiny, curvy, car sick, two lane road called "Mountain View Italian Restaurant." It beat Olive Garden, Carabbas, and Mama Maria's by a long shot. The food was DELICIOUS. I mean, AMAZING. For our Friday night dinner, I ordered my usual: Chicken Parmesan and I LOVE IT. and I. ate. every. bite. (a little sauce was left) and I left MISERABLE. I mean, my RIBS were bending it felt like. And guess what? I HATED that feeling. (Yay!!!) I used to LOVE that feeling. LOVE IT. And too, which is why we should avoid eating out as much as possible. I knew that I spent $16 for the plate, and by goodness, I BETTER eat it. I knew that come today I could not make a provision for that in my diet. ;) Silly huh? So, I made myself miserable. And guess what else? When I woke up this morning, I felt bogged down, tired, sluggish, and I didn't want to step on the scales. But I did. And guess what? I increased my weight by one pound. A pound that will most likely disappear again pretty quickly, but still, it didn't BENEFIT my efforts to eat like that. To eat past the point of being full, is not wise. 
I did a simple search on Wikipedia on gluttony, and this is what I found: 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gluttony

If you are interested, read it on your own time. 

#3 Evaluating myself at night'
I go through the day and I find areas or patterns that are constantly tripping me up. I try to find areas where I have made rationalization or excuses, or created loopholes in my moments of weaknesses. And I find a bunch EVERY day. And when I wake up, I try to bathe those patterns in prayer by asking for help and discernment. Also asking for wisdom to change. Often times, I am unsuccessful. But thankful for plenty of grace, and brand new days, I am given the opportunity to fight.  

Lastly: 

#4 I have support 
I am blessed to have a sister in Christ who prays for me, texts me, and calls me and uplifts me in the battle. I am grateful. I also have other sisters, (not biological for those of you that may not know what I mean) that I can talk to openly, freely, and honestly about this with. I know that they love me and that they are cheering me on, not letting me give up. 

Elephant: 

Q: "Don't you think that by concentrating on all of this food related stuff so much that you are putting your diet as an idol?" 

A: "No! No, because this is a SIN issue for me. It's never an idol to fight sin, it's an idol when you ignore it. And this may not be true for you, but it is for me, that food can serve as an idol, a passion, and it's not ok." 

Q: "Are you more concerned about how you look instead of just being healthy?" 

A: "I care about how I look. I care about how I feel. I care about how attractive my husband is to me. But finally, I care about these things MORE than I care about feeding my belly. I care about these things more than I care about eating garbage. So, yes, I do care about how I look! I want to be slimmer and more fit. And yes, I do want to be healthy. Thankfully, health changes the way your body looks. It's a connection that should not be separated. 

PROGRESS:

Dennis and I both turned from our old habits starting in January. The late part of January. 

Dennis has lost 15 pounds. 
I have lost 8-10 depending on the day. 

Dennis was approaching 260 pounds. I had gained up to 188! :o The heaviest I have ever been without a 6 pound baby inside of me. So, this a definite eye opener for me! 

In the past, I would have been BEYOND frustrated with only a 8-10 pound weight loss while staying at this for over a month, but this time, it's about longevity, the long term fight. I will never WIN the battle, I will ALWAYS be fighting. 

So, even in March, hovering at 10 (mostly unnoticeable pounds to most people) I am still going for it. 

And starting today, I am embarking on the Advocare 24-day challenge. I plan to talk about my progress and experience in this in these next 3 weeks. 

Thanks for reading. :)