This Is Me, Now.

  

I am not really sure why, but, I have been thinking a lot lately how different my life than what I expected it would be like.

When Dennis and I dated, I pretty much knew from the beginning that he would be my husband, but I was 16, I had NO idea what married life was ACTUALLY going to be like. I had no idea that we would actually have discussions about money, that I would actually be one of those women that felt satisfaction in clean dishes, and a made bed. Or that I would ever look back on a photo of us taken at our rehearsal dinner and that think: ‘Wow, we look young and thinner there.” I NEVER thought that would have ever been me. But this is me, Now.

I never thought that I would enjoy messing up an entire batch of homemade peanut butter, or that I would ever dream of making my own applesauce, or get excited about blurred backgrounds in photography, and I certainly never thought that trimming ear hair for Dennis would be anything that I would take part in, but this is me, Now.

I would have never guessed that I would take part in conversation with Dennis, or any man, for that matter, while they use the bathroom, or floss their teeth, or well…. other details I never even considered were a possibility, and that I would actually not think about it. None of this happens in the mind of a 16 year old- or even a bride that walks down to meet her husband to be. She just does not think about these things. .. but this is me, Now.

The things that I really thought I would be thinking/doing/pursuing.. is not me, not us, not yet.

God has truly shaped me to be who I am now, and even though instead of having a high paying job, married, with 2.5 children…

I am Me, with Him, trimming ear hair, working finances out in the bathroom while getting ready for bed, and scurrying to beat the cat to bed so he does not bite my ankle, EVERY NIGHT. . this is me, now.

…I like me, Now…. more than I would have liked me, Now… 5 years ago.